Mom Guilt, When is it Too Much?

Mom guilt refers to the feeling that you are falling short as a mom.

When my daughter was a newborn I would wait to shower until her dad came home from work. Once I was in the shower, I would rush as much as possible, as I felt guilty for being away from her for too long.

Furthermore, my research as a first time mom suggested that I prioritize tummy time for her physical development. The research also suggested to not allow my baby to stay in devices (bouncer, walker, swing) for a prolonged period of time. However, I took this information to the the extreme. So much so, that I didn’t purchase any devices.

When is Mom Guilt Too Much?

These feelings affected my ability to balance self care and chores around the house. In defense of my methods I would brag that my daughter could crawl at 5 months, stand at 7 months, and walk at 10 months.

When I look back at how I decided to parent Emma, I do not regret it one bit. However, I recognize that this was not simply mom guilt, I was feeling. It was full blown anxiety.

Toddler activities. Mom guilt. Mom anxiety

From Guilt to Goals

Mom guilt is there to signal to us that something isn’t right. This signal arises when I spend too much time on my phone, or feel that I need to add more iron or vegetables in the meals I’m offering my baby.

It’s gone too far when mom guilt causes us to feel shame, which is associated with feelings of unworthiness and points to a character flaw. Instead mom guilt should make you turn to your intuition as a mom and analyze your own convictions.

During these times, I only see the things I’m not doing for my baby. Instead I should also take into account all of the amazing things I am doing.

One makes you have goals to become a better mom, the other is unproductive and makes you focus on negative feelings you have about yourself.

If you are feeling overwhelmed follow this link to speak with someone for free and confidentially about your feelings. There’s no shame in asking for help or needing to vent.

Xoxo,

Allow Yourself to be Happy, Stop Self-Sabotage

Do you ever wonder why even when things are going great, you can’t allow yourself to be happy? I’ve experienced this far too often, and have spent hours analyzing all the reasons why this happens to me.

Could it be that I’m afraid of something going wrong because of my past experiences?

Yes, this could be part of the reason. We are conditioned by our environments. It’s only natural to protect ourselves by putting up our guard, to prevent being let down again. Furthermore, after allowing myself some time to observe my hesitance towards happiness, I was able to gain new insight.

How to Use Mindfulness to Allow Yourself to be Happy

One morning as I was going about my routine with my toddler, I felt so calm and at peace with my surroundings. Our new routine has been an enjoyable way to start the day. However, I also felt the unease of resisting to be happy, resisting to put my guard down. You could label this an unnecessary anxiety.

Moreover, I quickly was able to connect this resistance to when things are going wrong. When we are sick or emotionally hurt, we resist. We hope that the painful moment will go away as quickly as possible.

It dawned on me, being present in the moment is something most of us aren’t good at. We either look forward to future moments or we anticipate things going wrong, because of the past.

We don’t dwell in the present.

In order for me to practice being happy without feeling robbed by anxiety, I have to acknowledge that all moments are fleeting. Both the good and the bad.

When things are going well, I need to push myself to enjoy those moments without assuming something bad is next.

Mindfulness has been extremely healing for me.

We must embrace life whole-heartedly. Putting up our guard from experiencing both the good and bad feelings is equally harmful.

Dare to live, to feel, and to hurt.

That’s how I believe you can truly allow yourself to be happy. Have the courage to be vulnerable and open to life’s seasons.

Xoxo,

Allow yourself to be happy. Do not let fear stop you from experiencing life. — Follow my Instagram Account

Pinterest Influencer — https://www.pinterest.com/BloomingandBliss/

Back to Back Pregnancies, My Reaction

I never thought I would have back to back pregnancies. I didn’t become pregnant for the first time, until I was 28 years old. So I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me I would have two babies by my 30th birthday. Below is how I felt and what went through my mind.

I got pregnant for the second time when I was less than 8 months postpartum.

Don’t believe them when they tell you nursing can help as a form of contraceptive lol. My first born has never even had a bottle or pacifier, to put it into perspective.

How I found out.

5 weeks into the pregnancy I felt like I had a cold because I was really tired and had to force myself to eat, I had no appetite. At the time, I was in the habit of letting Emma take her day naps on my chest (with my boob in her mouth lol). It wasn’t the ideal setup but it was what worked for us at the time. Anyway, I normally didn’t nap and for a few consecutive days me and Emma took a long nap (2 hours) on the couch.

Furthermore, I decided to go to the OB out of precaution, because I also felt like my milk supply was changing and Emma started having trouble gaining weight, around that time.

When the OB confirmed that I was pregnant, I wasn’t really expecting it. My first reaction was to pull my daughter close to my chest and say “I’m soooo sorry we will have to wean you sooner than I wanted!”

I felt like I had betrayed my first born.

Back to back Pregnancies — Waiting in the lobby to see my OB after the ultrasound

There was excitement and nervousness all at once. I was mourning the special bond I only had with Emma, and now I would have to share it with another baby. I felt like I had robbed my first born of so many experiences, I thought would only include us.

Fortunately, despite being really sick during the first trimester, I continued to breastfeed Emma until she turned 11 months. This was such a huge milestone for us! We would have hoped to make it to a year, but her nap schedule depended on my boob in her mouth. I knew I had to break this habit as soon as possible, with another baby on the way.

Both Pregnancies have been a blessing. The Universe has perfect timing.

Prior to finding out I was pregnant again, I was struggling a lot with motherhood. During this time I remember even telling God that I couldn’t handle being a mother anymore. I felt overwhelmed, unbalanced, and unable to manage the responsibilities that came along with motherhood.

I constantly compared myself to other moms, questioning how I would ever return to work, if I couldn’t even balance it staying at home.

The moment I found out I was pregnant again, I laughed nervously, as if the Universe had replied to me saying “You can be a good mother, and now you will be, to two babies!”

What I gained from back to back pregnancies

I have cherished every single moment with Emma during this time. My patience has grown towards her. I’ve also gotten better at balancing my other duties as a stay-at-home mom.

Life has taught me that I am capable of overcoming so many difficult obstacles. I’m encouraged by the idea that with time, consistency, and hard work motherhood won’t seem so overwhelming. In fact, it’s become so much more enjoyable, than I could’ve previously imagined.

I feel so much better stepping into motherhood for the second time.

Xoxo,

My Pregnancy During a Pandemic

I found out I was pregnant with my second baby December 2019. I was really sick with nausea, fatigue, and depression from not being able to eat for the next 3 months. Little did I know, the remainder of the time I would experience a pregnancy during a global pandemic.

This post is to honor my feelings of mourning previous experiences, I was able to enjoy with my first pregnancy, but will not with this one. Moreover, it is an especially important time for us as this will be my last pregnancy.

How the Pandemic Affected my Pregnancy Experience

I was unable to share my pregnancy experience with family.

I have social distanced from everyone, including my family since early March. They were not able to rub my belly, feed me, or spoil me with a baby shower to celebrate my baby’s new life, on the way.

My OB office experience completely changed.

The policies for office visits did not permit my partner or baby to attend. I have felt less connected to my partner in my pregnancy experience. He has been unable to attend the ultrasound appointments or hear her heartbeat. I have had minimal contact with my OB, I even went 6 weeks with out seeing her at one point. Unfortunately, due to several factors, including my OB getting the Coronavirus, many appointments have continually been rescheduled for later dates.

Planning my birth has had a lot more uncertainties.

My partner and I at one point decided that I would give birth on my own and he would stay behind to take care of our 15 month old. We have gone back and forth, not knowing if it is worth the risk to have a family member come to our home to care for our daughter, while I deliver our second baby. I would be putting my toddler at risk, as well as bringing home a newborn who would be at an even higher risk for infection. I’m very inclined to send my partner home as soon as I birth our baby and hope I can get by with the help of the staff.

Experiencing my last pregnancy during a pandemic has definitely taught me to focus on the positives that still remain in my life, despite all the chaos.

Gratitude during the Covid-19 Pandemic

Slowing down

The rhythm of the world was so fast paced, everything always felt rushed. It felt so good to be forced to slow down and see the beauty found in the small things. My partner had his work hours cut to work 4 days a week, instead of 6. We have never been able to enjoy so much time together during the week, it’s been truly amazing.

Prioritizing

These times have been fragile, and have taught me what truly matters. I have had a clearer head, with less distractions to more easily be able to distinguish my priorities and values. It’s been a time to practice enjoying solitude, while also not feel lonely. A time to choose optimism, instead of complaining about everything changing.

Getting creative

It was easy to let my mind go down a negative route with so much time at home to think. I decided it would be a better use of time to look at this experience as an opportunity instead of a just difficulty that I was waiting to be over. I practiced photography, writing (blog), DIY home decor projects, minimalism (decluttering, organizing). These were a few of the ways my creativity became more alive during this time.

There are so many women who experience difficulty with conceiving or who have major complications during pregnancy. I am so fortunate to be able to bring a new life into the world. Yes times have been scary and uncertain. My emotions have been on a rollercoaster. However, I am so grateful that we are getting through this time and learning to grow through this struggle.

This post is part of a mini series, follow link for previous posts.

Xoxo,

Why I Take Maternity Boudoir Photos

What is Boudoir Photography?

Boudoir photography many times holds the stigma that it is intended only for sexual purposes. However, every person has a unique view and form of expression with their body, which is not always related to sexuality. Maternity Boudoir opens the door to another side of this style of photography, that should be considered.

We live in a society that constantly aims to define standards of how we should express our individuality, including how our bodies should look, or how we should or shouldn’t expose them.

However, here is your reminder that only we hold the power to define who we are or how we express ourselves.

In the past, I would’ve strayed from taking pictures in certain wardrobe, for fear of coming off too sexual. Strangely enough, when I dressed in those same clothing pieces during pregnancy, I felt liberated to embrace myself as a woman.

It wasn’t until I began my maternity journey that I truly felt a side to my femininity, as something separate from my sexual identity.

More importantly, I felt less like a sexual object.

I felt a beauty I hadn’t felt before, it was from within, I felt powerful growing a human being inside my body.

Every pregnant woman should take maternity boudoir photos, at least once in their lifetime.

The purpose for me, was not in getting anyone else’s attention. Instead, it was a symbol of stepping into a new role in my life. A new dimension to my feminine power, I was unaware of. These photos are a display of love for myself, including all my imperfections.

There’s something so empowering about doing your hair and makeup and celebrating your beauty!

Moreover, with maternity boudoir, you don’t have to do it in any particular way. You don’t even have to show anybody. It can be something intimate that only you and your partner see.

Outfit and photography tips

Choose a photographer you feel comfortable with. If you prefer a female that’s OK! You could even have a friend, your partner, or take them yourself with the self timer.

As far as what you display of yourself, do what makes you feel comfortable. I love clothing pieces that drape loosely over me so that I can cover myself more or less, depending on how I’m feeling.

The point is that you celebrate YOU. You embrace yourself as you are in that moment. If you’ve been considering taking this style of photography, go for it! It doesn’t matter what other people think.

Motherhood is an amazing journey. Moreover, pregnancy is a miraculous process that we should cherish while we have the privilege of experiencing it-nausea and mood swings included.

Xoxo,

Racism in America a Latina’s Perspective

This post is part II of a mini series. Here is part I if you missed it http://bloomingandbliss.com/2020/06/03/conversations-at-the-table/

The current Black Lives Matter movement, sweeping the nation and now also part of the globe, calls for us to #amplifymelanatedvoices

Consequently, due to the amazing traction gained in this movement, I’ve been able to focus on listening to their experiences and perspectives. Moreover, it’s opened a new door for advocacy in matters I was previously unaware of.

Below I highlight the importance of protecting children from the effects of racism, and my personal account with it at an early age. I am not a Black female in America, I will never be able to fully understand the depth of their experiences. However, I felt it necessary to speak up about something that impacted me early on in my youth.

My personal experience with racism.

My parents were both born in Mexico. I was born in Oceanside, a city in San Diego county. By definition, this makes me Mexican American, or Chicana.

I had to temporarily move in with my older brother when I was 7 years old. As a result, I started going to a new school.

In the 90’s, not sure how it is now, you would indicate in school enrollment papers known language(s) and the one(s) spoken at home. Moreover, students who selected Spanish and English were automatically enrolled in a program that would require additional testing to ensure proficiency in the English language.

Unfortunately, this would require the student to be pulled out in the middle of class time to join another group of students, also taking part in testing.

One of the tests, I recall, was to read aloud to a conductor holding a timer, indicating when to stop. The goal was to read as much of the page as possible within a given time frame. It was actually quite stressful, they hadn’t even tested me in that manner in my normal classes.

Anyway, one day I went to the playground and began attempting to mingle with kids in this new school. I asked if I could join in on the tether ball game. One kid said “sure.” Another kid quickly interceded “No, she can’t. Don’t you speak Spanish?” he asked. “She goes to those classes!” he added.

I can’t begin to explain how deflated I felt, my body had sunken to the floor.

I somehow managed to walk away and worked up the courage to ask another group of kids if I could play basketball with them. These kids were different. I had never played with a basketball and one kid even took the time to show me how to successfully score several granny shots!

To this day I will be forever grateful and remember the group of kids that welcomed me to play basketball with them.

The rejection from the first group of kids, was something I carried with me for years to come.

At the age of 10 I was able to move back in with my parents. We had moved to a different county, so again I was a new student. Fortunately for me, I was always outgoing, making friends was not difficult for me. But when I started at this new school, things were different.

I had previously grown up in schools with predominantly white students in San Diego county. When I moved to Riverside county, I was not aware I would be in a school with a lot more minorities, especially Latinos.

When kids would ask me what my race was, I would LIE.

At the young age of 10, I felt the need to hide that my descendants came from Mexico. I would respond that I was mixed with a lot of races and try to avoid the conversation.

It was unfortunate that due to an isolated incident, the course of my life would become affected. I was once an outgoing, free-spirited kid. Now I was walking on eggshells, waiting for the next experience of rejection from my peers. I no longer felt comfortable being my authentic self.

Having a healthier relationship with my parents could have put things into a better perspective for me. Unfortunately, at home we had personal problems that made it difficult for me to open up for guidance in the matter.

Racism and discrimination can be detrimental to the mental health of children and adults.

“If trauma can be passed down by generations, so can healing”

Let’s choose healing.

Join me in the next blog post in this series, as we continue the conversation.

Xoxo,

Conversations at the Table

I’ve compiled a series of blog posts pertaining to the many aspects of the current pandemic and Black Lives Matter movement.

With this series I intend to highlight my change in perspective, as well as many of the insights I’ve gained during this time. Ultimately, the intention is to open conversations, to both learn and educate one another.

I invite you to sit at my table for a conversation.

Introduction Blog

The current state of the nation calls for us to LISTEN…but also to begin opening up about our experiences with one another. In exchange we will gain new perspective, and begin to understand all that we have yet to learn.

The pandemic has suddenly become background noise to the screams of the black community, that they’ve had ENOUGH.

That they’ve been silenced and oppressed for far too long.

That the law reformations of the past, are not enough for them to live in the present.

This not a political issue, it is a human rights issue.

Black Lives Matter is a MOVEMENT, an UPRISING. Keeping in mind that a movement is occurring, we must question if we feel called to take part in it, and if so, how?

This is not a trend. However, you are also not signing a contract. You’re not joining a gang you will now become affiliated with. Becoming part of the movement can be as BIG or SMALL as you decide.

Moreover, feeling pushed by online users through guilt tactics will not inspire lasting change. Sure, some of us need “tough love” in order to become sparked to initiate action; but any changes within ourselves or actions taken, should begin because we feel compelled to step in. NOT because it’s trending, or you have been guilt tripped into joining.

The online community is flooded with content differing in opinions. It is of the utmost importance that we treat each other with respect, and have patience for the progress others make in deciding to join, or how to join the movement.

Unfortunately, the online community can be a place where people are extremely quick to jump down each others throats and create even more division.

This is not the time for us to argue, but to become open to new ideas.

Right now is the time to expose yourself to leaders of the Black community and absorb, question, and learn.

Join me in the next blog post in this series, as we continue the conversation.

Xoxo,

How to Cultivate Happiness

“Happiness is a habit, cultivate it.”

I came across this quote and fell in LOVE.

However, as someone who has dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life, I would’ve easily taken offense to this statement in the past.

Why? It resembles quotes like “happiness is a choice,” I’ve always felt this quote was unfair.

It’s NOT my choice to have depression, with most times being for NO reason.

It’s NOT my choice to have anxiety, sometimes even over the smallest of things.

BUT… it is my choice what kind of habits I form to improve my daily life.

I’ve gathered a list of 5 habits to help cultivate more happiness.

Keep in mind these are suppose to be YOUR habits you’re building, so take from this list what works for YOU.

1. Self Talk

We’re our own worst critics. Our internal dialogue will greatly affect how we feel on a daily basis. Creating more positive self talk may seem foreign to many of us, especially if we’ve become accustomed to criticizing, belittling, and nitpicking at everything we do.

This can mean to notice when you’re putting yourself down.

What can I respond to those thoughts?

What you would say to your best friend? Most likely you would pep talk them. “Wow Karen, you are beautiful, smart, and caring. Don’t be such a bully. Practice being more kind to yourself”

The point is to respond immediately after you notice it. Don’t let the moment pass with out practicing saying the opposite of what the negative thought is saying.

2. Mindfulness

Being mindful simply means to pay attention, take notice. In order to practice the above habit, you must be aware of when your self talk is negative. You must be able to filter through emotions and distractions, and truly see or recognize that you are having these thoughts.

Mindfulness is not about controlling our thoughts. It’s simply observing. Moreover, when we become great at observing how we feel, what we are thinking (internal dialogue), we can start taking action against those thoughts.

Don’t resist having the thoughts. Instead, simply know that you don’t have to fall victim when they come up.

3. Staying Organized

Shifting topics to staying organized. This one is especially personal.

Some of the things that help me feel organized: Keeping my space tidy, making a list of things I need to do, creating visuals to plan out my goals.

Having a space that is more organized and clean, automatically makes me feel more relaxed. Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect in this department, and if you feel the same, just aim to improve in this area.

Moreover, I’ve learned that I am a visual learner. Sometimes my thoughts and ideas feel scattered and I feel like I cannot accomplish anything I want. Therefore I make lists of different areas of my life, which can include errands I have to run, goals I want to accomplish, or a skill I am trying to improve on.

4. Setting Goals

Create goals that inspire you to grow as a person.

I’m a goal driven individual. It feels amazing to set a goal and ultimately be able to achieve it.

Goals can be as simple as, having a cleaner home or drinking more water. The sky is the limit.

5. Planning

We can’t stop at setting goals, without have a plan on how to execute them. The more specific you can become when planning how you will achieve said goals, the better.

An example would be to clean up immediately after breakfast before moving on to other tasks. The result will mean less dishes to do later and more time and energy that can be used for other tasks.

Happiness can sometimes seem like a mirage, far in the distance without reach. Don’t settle for less when it comes to your life. Building habits that bring you more enjoyment and fulfillment are sure to cultivate more happiness in your life.

Xoxo,

https://www.pinterest.com.mx/BloomingandBliss/

How to give your dining set a makeover

A little backstory.

We’ve had our rustic, farmhouse dining table since we first moved into our home, almost 3 years ago.

The private party whom we purchased it from had not stained it evenly nor sealed it. From the beginning the table looked aged and unfinished, but NOT in the cool way like you would see in a hippie restaurant.

Well fast forward to being very pregnant, with a toddler, and locked inside my house because of a pandemic.

I had been stuck inside the house for so long that the table finally BOTHERED me. One day I grabbed sanding paper and started sanding the table.

My partner looked at me perplexed, as if he wasn’t sure what I was trying to accomplish.

I honestly didn’t know what would happen either, but the table was just plain ugly at this point. Not to mention my 15 month old had her fair share of food smearing rampages, as she’s in the learning process of self feeding.

Food stains, uneven patchy color, ashy/dusty appearance

I sanded the top of table and legs of one of the chairs, by hand

Step 1. Sand

After seeing how much nicer the table looked just with a little sanding by hand, I decided to borrow my brother in law’s orbital sander and see what I could accomplish.

Before and after sanding the base pieces of table with orbital sander.

Step 2. Stain

After stripping the table down as much as I could, it was time to stain. The stain mixture I created had 1 part Provincial and 2 parts Weathered oak from Minwax.

Step 3. Seal

After stain thoroughly dried, I sealed it with a polyurethane seal.

For a more cohesive look, I followed the same steps with the legs of the chairs.

Chair makeover — Sanded and stained legs with the same color as table.

The finished look after sanding, staining, and sealing table and chairs.

Overall, I feel like I finally have a new table in my home.

We plan on also refinishing the matching bench we originally purchased with it, stay tuned!

Thank you for reading along.

Let me know if you have any questions or comments!

Xoxo,

https://www.pinterest.com.mx/BloomingandBliss/

Dining table makeover. Make old table look new. DIY furniture refresh.

DIY furniture makeover. Dining table chairs refinished. Wood stain.

Dining set makeover, Furniture makeover. Do it yourself furniture.

A Moment in Quarantine

Emma and I went to visit my Dad yesterday for his 81st birthday. Yes, you read that correctly 81, my biological father had me at the ripe age of 51. My parents are the blurry figures in the background of the image.

We have social distanced from EVERYONE since early March. However, on few occasions we have done a drive by visit with family, were we stay in the car and chat from a distance.

I brought my dad donuts and more importantly brought Emma, his youngest grandchild.

The visit was heartbreaking.

My dad is of old age, and my siblings and I always cherish every birthday we can celebrate with him. We don’t know how long he will be here with us. Last year was his 80th birthday and Emma was only 3 months. This year she is almost 15 months.

The reason I say the experience was heartbreaking is that I wanted to hug my dad and let him hold my daughter. He is so great with kids, and he loves playing with his grandkids.

Emma and him threw rocks back and forth towards each other, since it was the only way they could “play.”

I couldn’t help but feel disheartened that my parents have been missing out on Emma’s growth and development the past couple months. She is now at an age where she can have so much fun playing with her grandpa.

I have faith that my dad will live a long life. That he will not only get to play with Emma but also with my daughter I am carrying in my womb.

This doesn’t take away from how my dad felt when he couldn’t hold his granddaughter on his birthday.

It made me realize that I have been a little robotic about keeping my physical distance. I have pushed my feelings, and others, aside so that I can do what is best to protect them and myself.

When life gets stressful, we all cope in different ways.

Lately, I’ve had my game face on and have dived into many distractions. Unfortunately, I can’t expect others should do the same. This time especially wasn’t the case, my parents had every right to feel a loss. They didn’t need to hide their feelings.

I write this blog post as a reminder to myself that it’s ok to feel. To hurt. I’m very selective with the feelings that I allow to cloud my judgement. I harden up when things get hard and focus on being rational.

I’m glad I have my ways of coping through difficult times, but I just have to remind myself that others may need be to soft too.

I had to end the visit when Emma began walking toward my dad to hand him rocks. I let her hand him a few rocks, and said my good bye’s because the visit was just too hard at that point. How could I tell my baby not to go near her grandpa?

Social distancing has brought an emotional toll on many, if you are in this category, I see you.

Xoxo